by Ashley Williams
Lines have been drawn. Unspoken rules have been made. Some bands have been revered. Others, banned. Do people listen to those black-listed bands? Of course! But I daresay a musical snob will not be found bobbing their arrogant little heads to a blasting Britney Spears. Such things are simply not allowed amongst the more dignified and classy musical folks.
But what of those who are clueless of these unspoken rules? Well, on one hand, that poor soul is in musical hell where Beelzebub has “Never Gonna Give You Up” on repeat, doomed to be Rick-rolled for all eternity. On the other, however, these unspoken rules have finally been written down. Call me Moses.
The Ten Commandments of Musical Snobbery
1. Thou shalt never, under any circumstance, listen to a band that the common (and thus less tasteful) mainstream crowd listens to. Their tastes are barbaric. Never like them. Ever.
2. If a song or band, once revered, is heard on a radio station, such song or band is immediately banned, never to be revered again.
3. Thou shalt never listen to a band on any major record label. Simple logic states that if a band is on a record label, they are simultaneously made whores by these legal pimps.
4. Thou must go to the most isolated regions of the music world to select a new band to listen to.
5. Upon finding the aforementioned band, whether thou has actually listened to them or not (such things are irrelevant), thou must look upon every person who has never heard of said band with ultimate disdain.
6. In the event that the aforementioned band becomes popular in thy circle of friends, thou must immediately claim the band sucks and look upon ever person who has listened to said band with ultimate disdain.
7. If thou must listen to rap, thou may only listen to hip hop made before the 21st century. Any artist from the 21st century must at least be obscure enough that eighty percent of the country has never heard of said artist.
8. Upon being asked if thou listens to rap, thou must respond, “Not that mainstream crap. They only rap about hoes and getting shot and getting money. I listen to that conscious stuff like Common, Atmosphere, Mos Def, (insert obscure rapper here).”
9. Thou must make every effort to always hear new awesome stuff first and also be the first to tell every one about new music. In the even thou are not the first to listen, thou must pretend to have listened to them all along and look upon the newbies with ultimate disdain.
10. Never, in any event, is it okay to like Lady Gaga. Thou must fight the urge.
Those are the rules, and they must always be followed. Except, not really.
As humans, we are obviously not robots fashioned to function under such unreasonable demands on our own free opinions. What makes my tastes superior to yours, or Rolling Stone's to Paste's? Black and white is appropriate for some areas, but certainly not art. I like stuff. You like stuff. That's our prerogative as people. Read my reviews. Laugh at them. Vehemently disagree with them and call me a pompous idiot. Just think for yourself and form your own opinions. The rules are ridiculous. No one can impose restrictions on things to like and dislike. It's all subjective, and that's the beauty of it. Where's the beauty in uniformity?
If I want to like Lady Gaga, then I will. I shan't be a closet listener to the Black Eyed Peas. Nope, I will blast them from the rolled-down windows of my car. There's freedom in accepting who you are, without reservations. Why even try and keep up with these rules when they'll be another prophet bringing you ten diametrically opposed commandments. It's easy to keep up with yourself, so I suggest you do that.